So this might be totally random but this is where my head is today.
This Covid thing is totally legit and needs to be taken seriously but it’s driving me to my breaking point. I’m not sure if I’ve been this depressed before. I’m trying my best but this is difficult. After everything I’ve been through… Injury, surgeries, moving and all the little and big things in between, I’ve had my people around. My people being my girlfriend, family and friends. Not this time. And I know everyone here is going through the same thing. I realize that. And it’s tough for everyone. I know. I don’t feel like I should get some kind of special privilege, but at the same time, I do. I feel different. I’m 38 years old. I don’t have dementia. Yet. This situation is honestly bringing me down so much and I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I’m trapped on the third floor of a nursing home. It’s not bad living here or anything. Being here isn’t a problem. I mean, I would much rather be elsewhere. It’s the fact that I feel trapped.
My facility has been quarantined for some time now. I’m not allowed to leave, go to different floors or do too much really. I can go out of my room and on to a porch but that is usually inhabited by a unkept dude who sometimes works out with a piece of PVC piping with his belly and butt crack hanging out. He’s a good time! My home is waiting for everyone’s Covid test results to come back negative in order to open up again. (All residents and employees from my floor were tested this past week.) At least open up so residents can move from floor to floor. Who knows when we will open up to the public. I’m so used to people telling me what to do, where to go and when to do it, I’m not sure I’ll do with myself if things ever go back to normal. Maybe make plans to actually go out… Doing things. With people. Anyway, my test came back negative. That was the third one I’ve had since this whole pandemic started. I love the tests. Especially the one that goes really far into your nostril. Perfect for when the back of your brain is itchy. Things are just ridiculous. For example, in order for me to go to my dentist appointment downstairs I have to wear all out PPE. Mask, shield and gown. To travel two floors. Two floors. In the same building that I live. Unbelievable
I haven’t seen my friends, family or girlfriend in five months. That is of course with the exception of briefly seeing them when I was hospitalized but, I don’t remember much from that time. After all, I thought there was peanut butter and handwriting on the walls. I guess I kind of lost my shit so maybe not seeing anyone for the best. It’s beyond frustrating when I can look outside and see how beautiful it is. I’m always cold so I really enjoy getting out in the sun. Not allowed to do that. I can always go on that porch I mentioned earlier. Party! So I’ve spent my entire summer in my room or on the porch with that guy with the pipe playing board games. Thank god for my computer and technology so I can keep in touch with everyone and keep from going crazy.
Thanks for reading about my life. My journey. Not overly exciting these days. Maybe again one day.